


What's Gone.

by JenCollins



Series: 21st's SPN writing challenge [20]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Broken Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has PTSD, Drinking, Imagination, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Misery, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prompt writing, legacy, writing challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:42:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenCollins/pseuds/JenCollins
Summary: What’s left after we will be gone? Dean can’t stop thinking about it, so pour yourself a drink and join the ride of misery.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: 21st's SPN writing challenge [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092269
Kudos: 5





	What's Gone.

**Author's Note:**

> there were just too much fluff on this list so i just needed to write some angst!
> 
> can also be read as part two to Having You.

**What’s Gone.**

Dean was sitting in the corner of library. His corner. In a posh airchair with an elegant table next to it.

Somehow this has become his and Cas’ spot. They would just sit there and have a glass or two of whiskey. And it didn’t matter that Cas didn’t need to drink, that he didn’t almost feel the buzz of whiskey at all, he would still sit there with Dean and sip from his glass.

Some days they would sit in silence, just drinking, feelings and emotions way too heavy for them to build up any words at all.

Other days they would sit there, bubbling with joy and something like happiness, drinking while sharing secret smiles.

Dean liked it there, it was his grounding spot.

And just seeing how much Cas enjoyed it, made it all even more worth it.

Dean would just sit there and watch Cas, slowly sipping on his drink, feeling warm from just being there.

Today he was sitting there with his heart full and heavy, his mind spinning but yet feeling like being full of syrup.

He was looking in his glass, swishing around it the amber liquid that didn’t seem to work anymore for Dean.

\- Cas. - He breathed out before taking a long swig of his pointless drink.

Dean looked over at the airchair next to him, Cas sitting there as he had done so many times before, looking at Dean, one hand resting on the small table near his own glass of whiskey.

For a moment Dean got lost into Cash' blue eyes before taking another sip of his drink and letting out a long sigh.

\- Who will remember us? The things we did. Our legacy. Team free will. Will anyone even remember us at all? Will there even be hunters? I have been thinking about it and the life we live. It’s just so… We’re here and they are out there and it’s just like we are on our own, you know? I don’t know, Cas. - Dean sighted, draining his glass and pouring himself another one, settling the empty bottle down on the ground.

\- What do you believe, Dean? - Cas asked in his smooth voice.

\- I am not sure. Not anymore. - Dean ran a hand over his face, sinking deeper into his chair.

Cas stayed silent, just watching Dean.

Dean looked over at Cas, deep ache settling in his chest.

\- I believe in us. - Dean breathed out, reaching over and gripping Cas’ hand tightly in his.

Cas just smiled at him, squeezing Dean’s fingers in a reassuring manner.

\- But will anyone remember us? The things we did? Like will Sammy tell his childs about monsters and near world’s endings? About all of this? Should he? Should he put poor innocent children through all of this? I don’t think so. - Dean gripped Cas’ hand even tighter, his eyes starting to burn.

\- But Sam is happy, that’s what matters. - Cas’ eyes softened, calming Dean a bit.

\- Yeah. That’s what matters even if he will seal the bunker and never will open it again. He’s safe and happy. Having family on his own. - Dean looked in the way where the bunker door was, wondering about how firmly they would stay shut. 

He was happy about his brother, he was. But just seeing their initials scribbled on the top of the library table made him wonder of what will come, of these who may walk these floors after them, of memories left, imprinted into walls.

\- But I have you. - Dean smiled all of a sudden, looking back over at Cas. - And that’s enough. -

Cas smiled back, reaching over to push back Dean’s hair that has grown out lately.

\- Time for some sleep, Dean. - He whispered so softly, so gently, running his fingers through Dean’s hair.

\- I don’t want to. - Dean closed his eyes, trying to soak up the feel of Cas’ fingers.

\- But you can barely keep your eyes open. Come, let’s get you to the bed. It won’t do good for you to fall asleep here again. Also, Sam said that he will come in the morning. What will he think about it? - Cas stood up, taking hold of Dean’s other hand and softly pulling him up.

Dean was already shaking his head, tears breaking free.

He was gripping at Cas like it was his lifeline, he could barely breathe, he just couldn’t let go.

\- No, no, no. There will be nightmares. And you… You… - Dean choked on his own sobs.

\- Oh, sweety. I’m here, I’m here. It’s alright. - Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him close. 

\- I can’t keep losing you, Cas… - Dean couldn’t stop crying, hiding his face against Cas’ neck.

\- It’s okay, Dean, it’s okay. - Cas helped Dean to sit back down, holding him and murmuring soft nothings till Dean’s tears stopped.

\- Please don’t leave… - Dean murmured, almost already asleep.

\- It’s alright, Dean. Don’t think about it right now. Sleep. - Cas pecked him softly on the lips but all Dean could taste was sorrow goodbyes.

When he finally opened his eyes in the morning, woken up by the bunker door opening and Sam coming in, sure thing Cas wasn’t anywhere to be seen, there was only the gripping ache in Dean’s chest, so strong that he didn’t even have enough strength to drink it away with some more whiskey.


End file.
